|
The Postponement
Bruce Mahler [ Rabbi (Glickman) ], Broadcast: 28 Sep 95
Elaine: Hey, good news. My dog problem has been solved. Jerry: Really? What happened? Elaine: Well, there's this rabbi in my building. You've met him. Very nice man. Jerry: Isn't he the one with the show on cable? Elaine: Yea, yeah, yeah,. So I spoke to him about the dog. He went down. Talked to the owner. She agr4eed to keep the dog inside from now on. Jerry: That's great. Elaine: I know. [Kramer crashing into parking spot] Jerry: That looks pretty good. Elaine: He's in. [Kramer enters] Kramer: Oh, hey!
[Kramer enters] Kramer: Hey, hey. George: March 21st. Hey! So, you're gonna back me on this, right? George: You are a good friend. You know what? Even if you killed somebody I wouldn't turn you in. Jerry: Is that so? Jerry: Hey, Kramer if I killed somebody would you turn me in? Kramer: Definitely. Jerry: You're kidding? Kramer: No, no, I would turn you in. Jerry: You would turn me in? Kramer: Phwap, I wouldn't even think about it. Jerry: I can't believe your a friend of mine. Kramer: What kind of person are you going around killing people? Jerry: Well, I am sure I had a good reason. Kramer: Well,, if you'll kill this person, who's to say I wouldn't be next? Jerry: But you know me! Kramer: I thought I DID! [Rabbi's apartment] Elaine: I'm not a very religious person but I do feel as if I'm in need of some guidance here. Rabbi: Would you care for a snack of some kind? I have the Snackwells which are very popular but I think that sometimes with the so called fat free cookies people may overindulge forgetting they may be high in calories Elaine: Thank you I am not very hungry. Anyway, um, this friend of mine, George, got engaged . Rabbi: How wonderful. Elaine: Yeah, yeah, well, for some reason, um, I just find myself just overcome with feelings of jealousy and resentment. Rabbi: Doesn't it give you any joy to see your friend enter into this holiest of unions? Elaine: No, no, no it doesn't. No joy no joy whatsoever. Just the whole think makes me . . sick. Rabbi: You know, Elaine, very often we cannot see the forest for the trees. Elaine: Yeah, I don't know what that means. Rabbi: Well, for example, say there's a forest, . . . Elaine: You see the thing is we It should have been me. You know, I'm smart. I'm attractive. Rabbi: You know my temple has many single functions. Elaine: No, no, it's okay. Rabbi: My nephew Alex is someone who is also looking perhaps … Elaine: I don't think so. Rabbi: He owns a flower store. Very successful. [Outside Coffee shop] Jerry: So you're nothing but a stoolie. Admit it. Kramer: Hey, don't do the crime if you can't do the time. Jerry: Another Café Latte? Kramer: You better believe it. Kramer: Since when are you so trendy? Jerry: Hey, baby. I set the trends. Who do you think started this whole Café Latte? Jerry: I don't recall you drinking Café Latte. Kramer: I've been drinking Café Latte since the fifth grade and I haven't looked back. Jerry: Hey, Planet 9 From Outer Space is playing tomorrow night. One show only. Kramer: I've always wanted to see this. Jerry: You know I was supposed to see this five years ago. I was in a Chinese restaurant with George and Elaine and got all screwed up trying to get a table and I missed it. Kramer: Well, yeah, lets do it uh? Jerry: Look at this Jerry, dropping paper on the ground. That's littering. Jerry: Maybe you better call the cops and turn me in. Kramer: Maybe I will.
[George's] George: Hi, Susan: How was your day? George: Good, good day. How was your day? Susan: Mine was okay. So what's goin' on? George: Oh, nothin' much. I went over to jerry's, uh, talked to Jerry. Susan: Oh, the Lowers want to get together with us on Friday night. George: The Lowers, really? Susan: You don't want to go? Susan: So what did Jerry have to say? George: Oh, nothin' much, . . . talkin'. . . . Oh, oh, oh, did I have an unbelievable idea today! Susan: Oh, yeah, the toilets. You told me. George: Yeah, ha ha, It's not the toilets, it's not the toilets. It's something else. Are you ready for this? Susan: Yeah. George: Okay, how about this? All right, we get married March 21st, the first day of Spring. Susan: What do you mean? You want to postpone the wedding? George: No, no no it's not about postponing. I just think the first day of Spring is the perfect day to get married. You know, Spring! Rejuvenation! Rebirth! Everything is blooming all the … Susan: If you don't want to marry me, George, just say so. [crying] Say so. George: Still marry , still marry. Susan: You don't love me. George: Sstill love. Still love. Susan: My parents told me you were too neurotic and that I was making a mistake. George: No no no, no mistake, no mistake. No, no , listen, we're going to get married over Christmas, I …It doesn't make any difference to me. It's fine. Really. Susan: Are you sure? George: Yeah, yeah, sure, Christmas. Snow. Santa. All that stuff. [Monk's] Jerry: Let me take a guess. She cried and you caved. George: How did you know that? Jerry: I live and breath my friend. . . . I live and breath. George: I got to tell you I felt terrible. I really thought she was going to collapse and kill herself. Jerry: tes, it's very difficult. Few men have the constitution for it. That's why breakups take two or three tries. You gotta build up your immunity. George: You see those tears streaming down you don't know what to do. It was like she was on fire and I was trying to put her out. Jerry: Well, at least you probably had some, uh, pretty good make-up sex after. George: I didn't have any sex. Jerry: You didn't have make-up sex? How could you not have make-up sex? I mean that's the best feature of the heavy relationship. George: I didn't have make-up sex. Jerry: In your situation the only sex you're going to have better than make-up sex is if you're dent to prison and you have a conjugal visit. George: Yeah, conjugal visit sex. That is happening! Woman: [crying] Man: I can tell you're very upset but I'm sorry I'm not goin' George: Did you here that? I can't believe this he's eating his sandwich. Man: Are you going to eat thoise fries? George: This is amazing. [George gets up to leave and shake's man's hand] Thank you. Thank you very much. . . . I'm going back in! . . . You'll feel better [to woman] Jerry: . . . Poor bastard. [Outside Elaine's] Jerry: Good evening, Rabbi. Rabbi: Good evening. And how does this evening find you? Jerry: Well, Rabbi, well. Rabbi: I trust you are here to see your friend, Elaine. Jerry: Yeah, that's right. Rabbi: I hope she's feeling better. Jerry: What do you mean? Rabbi: She didn't tell you? Jerry: No. Rabbi: Well it seems the engagement of her ffriend George has left her feeling bitter and hostile. Jerry: is that so? Rabbi: Yes, in fact she told me that she wishes she was the one getting married. Jerry: Really? Rabbi: She came off as pretty desperate. Jerry: I didn't know any of this. Rabbi: Apparently she doesn't think much of this George fellow either. I recall the word loser peppered throughout her conversation. Jerry: Hum, well it all comes as news to me. [George's apartment] G: [enters] Hi. Susan: Hi, how was your day? George: Good, good day. How was your day? Susan: Ah, it was okay. What's going on? George: Oh, nothing much. You know, I went over to Jerry's. Talked to Jerry. Um, could I talk to you for a minute? Susan: Yeah, sure. George: You see this is the thing. . . . [crying] I just feel . . . mumble, cry, mumble, . . . I'm scared. You and I together, [cry] Susan: George, of course, of course it can wait until march if that is what you want. George: Yeah? Susan: Oh, don't worry your head. Of course. George: All right. [smiles behind her back] [Elaine's] Elaine: I've got that magazine article for you. Jerry: You iknow I talked to the rabbi outside. Elaine: Are you Jerry: Understand you had a little talk with him too. Elaine: Yeah, talked earlier. Jerry: Yes I know, I know. Elaine:. . . What does that mean? Jerry: Nothing, nothing. Elaine: He didn't mention . . . Jerry: Yes he did. Elaine: He told you about our conversation? Jerry: We had quite a little chat. Elaine: He told you about . . . Jerry: Yes, about how you're very jealous of George. How you wished it was you who were getting married instead of him. Elaine: He told you all that? How could he? Jerry: It didn't take much prodding either, I must say. Elaine: Can he do that? Jerry: He did it. Elaine: But he's a Rabbi! How can a Rabbi have such a big mouth? Jerry: That's what's so fascinating. [Movie line] Jerry: You better finish your little café latte there. They won't let you in with it. Kramer: Why not? Jerry: Because they don't allow outside drinks into the movie. Kramer: Well that's stupid Jerry: That's the rule. Kramer: Well, we'll just see if we can't get around that. [Kramer puts coffee cup into his pants] [Rabbi's apartment] Rabbi: Oh, Elaine. Come in. Come in. So nice to see you again. E: Yeah… Rabbi: Can I offere you some Kasha Varnishkas? Elaine: No, no. Listen, Rabbi, I'd like to ask you a question. Why, why did you tell my friend Jerry what I talked to you about? Rabbi: Was that a problem for you? Elaine: Mrs. Winston? Rabbi: Yes, we were waiting for our mail to arrive and I happened to mention to her how you felt that it was never going "to happen" for you. Elaine: What about Don Ramsey? You didn't mention anything to him did you? Rabbi: Don Ramsey? Elaine: You know that tall really good looking guy, he lives on the fifth floor. Rabbi: Oh him! Well this morning I found myself in the elevator with him… Elaine: my god, you didn't. [Movie theatre] Jerry: Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me Kramer: Oh, yow, oow Ah! Usher: Hey, hey, what's going on? What just happened here? Kramer: Nothing Nothing. Usher: Whatya got? One of those Café Latte's in your shirt? Kramer: I don't have anything. Ask him. [ Jerry makes a silent drink gesture] Usher: All right, come on Coffee Boy, bring it out. Kramer: What?! Usher: Here you go. Kramer: Ow [Kramer leaves] [Jerry's apartment] Ex; But the whole thing is a mess. He told everyone in the building. I met that cute guy on the fifth floor. I mean he could barely bring himself to nod. Jerry: Elaine, if I could say a word here about Jewish people. That man in no way represents our ability to take in a nice piece of juicy gossip and keep it to ourselves. Elaine: You didn't say this to George, did you? Jerry: No, . . . about how you wish it was YOU who was getting married instead of him? Feelings of resentment, hostility? Elaine: Yeah that! So, . . . [George enters] George: Hey oh. Elaine: GEORGIE! CONGRATULATIONS! Oh, my god. I haven't seen you since it happened. I'm so happy for you. George: Alright, thanks a lot. Elaine: Oh, come on. You really, really deserve it. [Gives George a kiss] George: Oh, deserve! I don't know if I deserve...I mean... [END] |