The Susie

Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays?
Check out our complete Seinfeld Gift Guide right now! Including T-Shirts, DVDs, and more!

The Television Transcript Project

Seinfeld

Written by: David Mandel

Episode #149 (8-15: season 8, episode 15), 13 Feb 1997.

Directed by: Andy Ackerman.

The Cast

Character Actor

Jerry Seinfeld Jerry Seinfeld

George Costanza Jason Alexander

Kramer Michael Richards

Elaine Benes Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Mike Moffit Lee Arenberg

Peggy Megan Cole

Allison Shannon Kenny

J. Peterman John O'Hurley

Wilhelm Richard Herd

When I printed this, it took 26 pages.

Notes:

I had to get the first half minute of the first act (up to Mike saying ".. either of you guys wanna place a bet: I'm your guy")

from a syndicated re-broadcast, but I think nothing was cut for that. I assume the syndication cut out the teaser (probably

about a minute), so that's completely missing. :-( The rest is from a regular broadcast.

Small, teal text is notes about camera movements, positions, and whether it was close-up (CU), medium-shot (MS), long

shot (LS), two shot (2S), long-medium shot (L-MS), or full shot (see all of people's bodies). This is just intuitive

terminology (CU meaning very close, MS as anything from that to seeing most of someone's body, LS as an establishing

shot, the layout of the scene/place). It's a terminology we all can understand.

They probably have only four cameras available at once, from what I hear.

It is very probable that the non-facial close-ups, the establishing shots, some reaction shots, and especially shots without

people visible in them, are done at a separate time (I label such likely cameras a, b, c, instead of 1, 2, etc.) And of course

there's the issue of mixing shots from different takes and splitting one set of action into two scenes. (An example here is I

think that when Kramer came into the ballroom divided that scene into two scenes, so they really didn't need seven

cameras to do that scene). Again, these are only my deductions. Try it, sometime. It's interesting. :o)

I put the total number of cameras in parentheses at the start of the notes. When there were extra cameras (those labeled

a, b, c, etc.--see above), I add them. Example: "(4+1)" means four cameras plus one separate shot.

"Over X's shoulder," at least here, means you can see part of the given person (X)--sometimes it's his/her head. Unless

otherwise noted, the shoulder is the person's left shoulder.

Unless otherwise noted, the cameras are stationary.

Catch the daylight/night continuity errors. ;-)

Braces {} enclose unclear speech.

Transcript by: Suzanne via VCR tape and micro-cassette tape.

(4) 1: high LS following Jerry and Kramer walking; 2: MS on J + K; 3: full shot on Mike at shop window; 2: MS on J + K; 4: MS on

J + K (more in profile than cam. #2); 2: MS on J + K; 3: pans with M coming over; 2: MS on J + K, now over M's sh.; 3: MS on M;

2; 3; 2: MS on J + K, over M's sh; 3: MS on M; 4: MS all three, J crosses right, leaving; 3: MS on M; 2: MS on K + M; 3: MS on

M, over K's rt. sh; 2: MS on M; 4: K + M, M crosses left, leaving; 2: K puts watch away, walks rt.

[JERRY and KRAMER are walking down the street at dusk.]

KRAMER

Look how dark it's gettin' already.

JERRY

Well, it's not Daylight Savings Time yet.

KRAMER

When does it start?

JERRY

[pause] I don't know, they just tell you the night before.

KRAMER

Uh. Well, I'm sick o' waiting. [pulls out his pocket-watch (it has a chain, too)]

I am springin' ahead riiight now.

JERRY

[under breath] Oh, I'm sure that won't cause any problems..

[JERRY sees MIKE down the sidewalk. MIKE's peering into a shop window.]

JERRY

Oh, god, it's Mike Moffit..

KRAMER

Oh now, don't tell me you're still mad at him for calling you a phony. Jerry, that was five years ago!

JERRY

I'm not a phony an' I don't want anything to do with this guy.

KRAMER

Hey! Mike!

MIKE

[sees and is enthused, coming over] Kramer! Jerry! How's it goin'?!

JERRY

Fine. An' I'm not just sayin' that..

MIKE

Guess what? I just started my own business. I'm a bookie!

JERRY

No openings in arson?

MIKE

[pauses, struck by J's attitude] Either of you guys wanna place a bet: I'm your guy.

KRAMER

[quickly] Ah no no no. No bets for me, I uh, I got a disease.

JERRY

I'm feelin' a bit queasy myself. Maybe I'll see you in another five years. [casually leaves]

MIKE

Kramer. Jerry still mad about that "phony" thing?

KRAMER

You kidding? It's all water near a bridge.

MIKE

Hey, what time you got?

KRAMER

[pulling out his timepiece] Oh yes. Uh.. it's aaalmost six.

MIKE

Whoa--uh--I'm really late. [leaves]

(3+1): a: daylight shot of office building, looking up at it; 1: L-MS of Peggy's office including doorway; 2: MS on Peggy; 3: MS on

Elaine, cam. follows her; 2: (MS on P); 3: MS on E; 1: L-MS on both as P continues work and E reacts at doorway.

[ELAINE's at work, with PEGGY at Peggy's drafting table, looking at Peggy's designs. (PEGGY is an older, thin woman.)]

ELAINE

Oh! These designs look great! Peggy, you really saved me.

PEGGY

Oh, it was no problem.

ELAINE

[leaving with the drawings] Mr. Peterman is gonna love 'em.

PEGGY

[focusing on her work] Thanks, Susie.

[At the door, ELAINE turns around, wondering if she heard right, and should she say anything. PEGGY looks up, pleasantly

nods at her, and returns to her work. ELAINE wavers and decides to let it drop, and leaves.]

(3+1): a: Monk's at night: the "RESTAURANT" sign; 1: MS on Elaine, over Jerry's rt. sh.; 2: on J over E's sh.; 3: (when George

comes over) L-MS over J's rt. sh, cam. trucks left; 2: (briefly); 3: (now a 3-shot); 1: 2S on G + E, over J's rt. sh.; then alt. 2 and 1,

only going to 2 (Jerry) briefly (alts 4 times).

[That night at Monk's, JERRY and ELAINE are sitting in a booth.]

ELAINE

You won't believe this but, as I'm leaving, she calls me "Susie."

JERRY

I don't see you as a Susie. Sharon maybe.

ELAINE

What am I, a--a bulimic, chain-smoking, stenographer from Staten Island?

JERRY

Who are you describing?

ELAINE

Someone I know.

JERRY

Named Sharon?

ELAINE

I'd rather not say.

[GEORGE has just come in and grabs a chair to put a garment bag on.]

GEORGE

Hey.

ELAINE

[to say hello] Mmm!

What's in the bag?

GEORGE

[sitting] Newww tuxedo. For the Pinstripe Ball. Steinbrenner is throwing a huge party at Tavern on the Green, heh!

JERRY

Kind of a Yankee prom?

GEORGE

[resentfully dampened] It's not a prom. It's a Ball.

JERRY

You taking Allison?

GEORGE

Yes, of course I'm taking Allison. This woman is genetically engineered to go to a ball. Tall, blonde, lithe--

JERRY

Live?

ELAINE

Lithe.

GEORGE

Live?

ELAINE

[rolling her eyes] Lithe!

JERRY

Oh, lithe!

ELAINE

Well, you two'll have a great time there.

JERRY

It can't be worse than this.

ELAINE

Mmm!

GEORGE

An' wait'll you see the dress that she's got. It's backless! Uh?! I'm finally gonna make a Great Entrance!

ELAINE

Backless? Ya gonna back her in?

GEORGE

Elaine, when a woman makes a Ball Entrance.. she twirls.

ELAINE

She's not gonna twirl--

GEORGE

She'll Twirl.

(2): 1: L-MS on George's apartment (livingroom and door) as George and Allison enter; 2: MS on G, pans with him; 3: MS on A; 2:

(on G); 3: on A, pans and tilts as she sits; then alt #2 and #3 (4[7] times).

[GEORGE and ALLISON are coming into George's "house."]

GEORGE

That is what Mr. Steinbrenner wants. He wants, everyone, ta, twirl around.

ALLISON

[weary] All right.

GEORGE

Hey! Uh--listen--did you get your--uh--boss's Knick ticket, for Kramer?

ALLISON

[digging in purse] Yeah, uh--here. [hands him ticket]

GEORGE

Oh! Great!

ALLISON

Uh. Say, George--

GEORGE

Woo! Courtside!

[mock-snide] Is that the best you could do? Ha ha!

ALLISON

[sitting] George. We need to talk.

GEORGE

What?

ALLISON

I really, think we need to talk.

GEORGE

[pause] Uh-oh.

(4+1) a: LS on Jerry's bldg's entrance; 1: MS on George at door, over Jerry's sh; 2: MS on J; 3: L-MS on G + J, pans; 4: MS on G,

zooms in; 2: (MS on J); 4; 2; 4: (MS on G, pans); 2; 1: (briefly, MS on G over J's sh); 3: G + J (cam. trucks and backs to follow G's

movements) G crosses right, comes toward camera, then goes left (he's going to front of couch, J following); 4: (MS on G); 2: (MS

on J); alt #4 with #2 a few times, then #4 pans with G as continues around couch to back (J is seated on couch arm), camera (and

G) stop at MS on G, over J's sh; 3: (as Kramer enters) 3-shot, trucks rt. with Kramer as J gets up, goes rt.; 1: MS on G, over K's sh

(tickets); 3: (3-shot); 2: MS on K; 4: 3-shot (K in profile); then alt #2 (MS on K) with 1: MS on J, over K's sh.

[Jerry's "house." JERRY and GEORGE are just coming in.]

JERRY

She wants to talk.

GEORGE

She doesn't Want to talk, she needs to talk.

JERRY

Nobody needs to talk.

GEORGE

Who would Want to.

She tried to end it with me, Jerry.

JERRY

What'd ya do?

GEORGE

I told her I was out o' soda, I went out to get some, an' I never went back.

JERRY

[pause] All night?!

GEORGE

Yeah, I slept at my parents' house.

JERRY

And she wants to break up with you..

GEORGE

Ha! [snort] Can you believe it? [amused] I'm supposed to be havin' lunch with her right now at Pomodoro.

JERRY

Uh-oh. "Everybody breaks up at Pomodoro's."

GEORGE

So? What'm I gonna do?

JERRY

You really like this girl.

GEORGE

No. I like the ball! This is my One Chance to make a Great Entrance! My whole life! I have never made a great entrance!

JERRY

You've made some Fine Exits.

GEORGE

[admitting] All right..

JERRY

So what do you do? You can't keep avoiding her.

GEORGE

[resolved] Why not.

[determined] If she can't find me, she can't break up with me. And, if we're still goin' out, she has to gooo to the ballll.

KRAMER

[suddenly entering] Hey, oh--listen. Did you get my ticket from Allison--

GEORGE

Yeah, yeah, right here. [hands it to him]

KRAMER

All right! Yeah.. Courtside.. Whoa! Don't let this girl get away..

GEORGE

[clipping on shades] Ha.. She'll have to find me first. [leaving]

KRAMER

{All right.} [to JERRY] Ah? Oh, by the way: you owe Mike a hundred dollars.

JERRY

What for?

KRAMER

Well I put a bet down for ya on tonight's game. Yeah, if the Knicks beat the Pacers by more than thirty-five? It pays ten to one.

Oo-oo! That's some sweet action!

JERRY

But I don't want any "sweet action."

KRAMER

Well, I couldn't do it: I got a gamblin' problem.

JERRY

So you put down my money?!

KRAMER

[impatient sigh] You don't have a problem.

JERRY

Not {with} that, no..

(3+1) a: daylight shot of office building from several stories up, looking down (bldg with "1325" banners); 1: L-MS on Peggy's

office including door, as Elaine passes; 2: MS on P; 1: L-MS on office (P turned in profile); 2: MS on P; 3: MS on E; alt #2 and #3

(2[5] times); 1: (L-MS on office).

[ELAINE's at the office, walking past PEGGY's office. PEGGY's reading a memo and notices her.]

PEGGY

Susie.

Susie!

ELAINE

[coming in] Uh.. Hi, Peggy. Um.. Look, I should have said this yesterday, but--

PEGGY

Did you get this memo from Elaine Benes?

ELAINE

Yeah. See that--

PEGGY

[preoccupied] You know, it's amazing Peterman hasn't fired that dolt.

She practically ran the company into the gro-ound.

ELAINE

Well. Well, I thought she did a pretty good Job..

PEGGY

I heard she was a disaster, Suze--

ELAINE

[testy, leans into Peggy's personal space] Look-it. It's not Suze. All right? It's Su-zie. My name, is Su-zie!

[PEGGY feels quite threatened..]

(4+1) a: day ext. George's apt. entrance (green "321" awning); 1: full shot of George seated; 4: MS on Jerry, standing by counter in

his apt. (cam. #4 from last scene); 2: MS on G; 4: (MS on J); 2; 4; 2; 3: MS from farther left; 2.

[GEORGE is in his living room, watching TV, eating popcorn. The phone rings and he lets the machine pick it up as he munches

and uses the remote. The machine tape is to the tune of the Greatest American Hero theme song ("The Greatest American

Hero (Believe it or not)," written by Mike Post and Stephen Geyer).]

GEORGE

[on tape, singing] "Believe it or not, George, isn't at home, please leave a mes-saaage at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up

the pho-one. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not hooome." [beep]

(JERRY's on the other end, a little bored. But GEORGE likes the song, bobbed his head with it.)

JERRY

George, pick up. I know you're screening for Allison.

GEORGE

[answers phone, good mood] Hey.

JERRY

So, coffee shop?

GEORGE

No, I can't. She knows I go there. It's not secure. [the call waiting beeps]

Hey, I got another call comin' in. I gotta let the machine get it. Bye. [hangs up]

GEORGE

[on tape, singing] "Believe it or not, George, isn't at home, please leave a mes-saaage at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up

the pho-one. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not hooome." [beep]

(GEORGE was grooving to it, pantomime-shrugging during it, and remoting to another station.)

ALLISON

[on phone machine, peeved] George? Are you there?

[muttering] I hate that stupid message.

[terse] I know you're avoiding me, I'm at the office, please call me, I've gotta talk to you. [hangs up]

[GEORGE dials a number.]

GEORGE

[to phone] Hi, Allison? Oh, I guess you're not at home.. I probably should 'ave tried you at the office. Anyway, good to hear

from ya, really looking forward to the ball.. [hangs up and happily chuckles] Ha ha!

(4+1) a: night apt. bldg (grey "737" awning); 3: MS on Elaine and Jerry (they leave door open); 1: MS on E, over J's sh; 2: MS on J

("No Suze."); 1; 2; 3; 2; 4: MS on J + E (E has moved to kitchen, J is in profile); 2: (MS on J reacting); 3: MS 3-shot as Kramer

enters, pans rt. with K to fridge (E's looking at fruit), pans left with K to door; 4: J follows K, shot becoming MS on K, over J's sh;

1: MS on K; 3: 3-shot; 4 (MS on K, over J's sh); 3; 2: 2S on E + J, both in profile; 1 (on K); 4; 2; 1; 2; 1; 4: (trucks with J shutting

door); 1: MS on J, pans; 2: MS on E, over J's rt. sh; 1: MS on J, K came in and goes behind J, who turns, shot becoming MS on K,

over J's sh; 2: 2S on J + E, over K's rt. sh; 1: (MS on K, now over J's and E's sh/head); 4: MS 3-shot, all in profile, E pats J's

shoulder; 2: (2S on J + E); 1; 4.

[At JERRY's apartment, ELAINE's just arrived.]

ELAINE

Can you believe this woman?

JERRY

[ironic outrage] The nerve. Talkin' about ya behind your back--and right to your face!

ELAINE

No. "Suze!" I mean, "Suzie!" "Suzanne!" "Suzanna." Fine! But there is no, way, I'm gonna be a Suze.

JERRY

No. No Suze.

ELAINE

[tense] I mean--what am I--some pom-pom-wavin' Backseat Bimbo?!

JERRY

Who are you describin'?

ELAINE

Someone I know!

JERRY

Named Suze?

ELAINE

No, still Sharon!

KRAMER

[comes in, subdued] Hey. [grabs a water from refrigerator]

JERRY

Hey, I thought you went to the game.

KRAMER

No. I was kicked out for fightin' with one of the players. [leaving]

JERRY

Wait. Way--way--way--way--way--way--wait! Who?!

KRAMER

[stops] W--Reggie Miller.

ELAINE

Cheryl Miller's brother?

KRAMER

Yeah. [leaving]

JERRY

Hey--hey--hey--wait, wait, wait, wait! What happened!

KRAMER

[stops again] Well, first of all, for some reason, they started the game an hour Late. And uh, I was sittin' next to Spike Lee an'

he an' Reggie were jawin' at each other, so I guess I got involved. [leaving]

ELAINE

[same time as JERRY] --Wait, whoa--whoa--whoa--whoa!--

JERRY

Well--wait--wait--wait--wait! What do you mean "involved"?!

KRAMER

[stops again] Well I.. ran out onto the court an' threw a hotdog at Reggie Miller. "Involved."

An' they threw meee, an' Reggie, an' Spike out o' the game.

ELAINE

So that's it?

KRAMER

Well I, well I, felt, pretty bad about everything an' uh, then the three of us, we went to a strip club. [leaves]

JERRY

Can you believe that?

ELAINE

I didn't know Cheryl Miller's brother played basketball.

KRAMER

[suddenly comes back, excited] The Knicks killed 'em a hundred an' ten to seventy three!

JERRY

What--of course, without Reggie Miller, it's a blowout!

KRAMER

No, Jerry--that's thirty-seven points! The Knicks covered! You won! See, that's a cooool-G, Daddy-O--now you gotta let it

riiiide!

JERRY

On what?!

KRAMER

[real addict] Ah, come-on, Jerry--I don't wanna lose this feeling. Hey--let's go down to the O.T.B. We'll put some money on

the ponies. [getting out pocket-watch]

JERRY

Yeah, all right.

KRAMER

[looking at watch] Ssssh--ah! They just closed!

JERRY

[not] Oh. Too Bad.

(3+1) a: daylight LS looking up at office building; 1: full shot of office; 2: MS on E; 3: MS on J. Peterman; 2; 3; 2.

[PETERMAN's office. ELAINE comes to the door.]

ELAINE

Mr. Peterman? You wanted to see me?

PETERMAN

Apparently Peggy--down in Design?--got into a liiiittle bit of a Tiff yesterday with somebody named, "Susie"?

ELAINE

Su-sie?

PETERMAN

Yes. Between you, me and the lamppost. And the desk.

Peggy says this "Suze" isn't much of a Worker.

ELAINE

[nit] It's Susie.

PETERMAN

Nevertheless, Elaine. The House, of Peterman is in Disorder. First thing tomorrow morning I want to see you, Peggy, and, Susie

right here, in my office.

ELAINE

[dismayed] Ah, all o'--all of us?

(3+1) a: day ext. of apt. bldg. (red awning); 1: L-MS on Kramer in hallway at door; 2: MS on K, over Allison's sh; 3: 2S on K + A,

favoring A; 2; 3.

[ALLISON's apartment. Someone's knocking on the door and she gets it. It's KRAMER.]

KRAMER

Allison. Hi. Uh--listen: I'm really sorry about what happened at the game last night. Listen--could I have a ticket tonight--'cause

the Rockets are in town an' that, Hakeem Olajuwon? Ohhh--he's got a real attitude.

ALLISON

Kramer? Have you seen George, around? I can't get a hold of him.

KRAMER

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, he--uh--visits the guy across the hall from me like every ten minutes.

ALLISON

Oh yeah?

(4+1) 1: L-MS on Jerry at trunk with grocs; 2: MS on J, over Mike's sh; 3: 2S on J + M, favoring M; then alts #2 and #3 (3[6]

times); 1: L-MS on both and car; 4: L-MS on J + M (M coming right, into view); a: MS on M reacting.

[On the street, JERRY is leisurely unloading his groceries from the back of his car.]

JERRY

[singing] Believe it or not, Geooorge isn't at home.

MIKE

[comes up] Hey. Jerry.

JERRY

Hey Mike.. How 'bout those Knicks?

MIKE

[a little anxious] Yeah! How 'bout 'em? Ha ha. Look, Jerry. I can't pay you.

JERRY

Why not?

MIKE

'Cause I don't have the money..

JERRY

Mike. You say you're a bookie? You take a bet an' then you can't pay? I don't know, Mike, to me it sounds a little, how you say.. "Phony"?

MIKE

Just give me 'til Friday. Please. Please!

JERRY

You know, you're supposed to be the Bookie. Act like one.

MIKE

I'm sorry. Uh--oh here--let me give you a hand with that.

[MIKE gets some groceries out.]

JERRY

[trying to shut the trunk hood] Something wrong with this trunk.

MIKE

Oh. Let me see.

[As MIKE puts his hands there, JERRY, unaware, shuts the trunk again! It happens very fast--MIKE's hands are slammed and he screams out in pain!]

(3+1) a: night ext. rest.; 1: MS on George, over Kramer's sh (woman is in distance behind G); 2: M-CU on K, over G's rt. sh; 3:

M-CU on G, over K's sh; then alt #2 and #3 for convo.; at end is 1: K just having crossed left (G dismayed, at table, the jilted

woman is no longer there either).

[The Pomodoro Restaurant is a dark romantic place, roses at the tables. GEORGE is sitting at a table with KRAMER.]

GEORGE

So--ah, Kramer. Why'd you ask me out to dinner?

[amused] An' why Pomodoro?

[Just now, at one table in the background, a WOMAN is sad and dismayed, says, "How could you say that to me?" She

cries..]

KRAMER

[quiet, delicately] Allison spoke to me, and um. She wanted me to speak to you.

GEORGE

[quiet] Uh-oh.

KRAMER

We all know that this relationship isn't working. So Allison an' I think that the best thing to do is just.. make a, clean break.

GEORGE

Can't we discuss this?

KRAMER

[reasoning] We just don't think you're ready for a serious relationship!

GEORGE

[dismayed] I didn't even know you wanted to get serious!

KRAMER

[dismayed] So what am I in this for?

You know, I'm getting to a point in my life where I need something more than just.. a good time. [is tearing up]

GEORGE

[pause] Are you?

KRAMER

Wha--me? No! No. But she is.

GEORGE

I, I can't believe this is happening!

KRAMER

George, we're sorry.

[breathes in, pause] We're through..

GEORGE

Krama. Please.

KRAMER

[leaves, upset] Waaa-aa--aa! I'm sorry--

[time: 11:13]

[Commercial Break]

(5+1) a: day ext. of office bldg, at ground level ("1325" is engraved on the smooth stones); 1: full shot of office, trucks/pans with

Elaine entering; 2: MS on E; 3: MS on Peggy; 2: (MS on E); 4: L-MS on P and J. Peterman (JP); 2; 1; 2; 4; 5: L-MS on E and empty

chair; 4: MS on JP; 2; 4; 2; 3; 2; 3: (P looks pleased with being huge part of problem); 2; 3; 4; 2; 4; 2; 4: MS on P + JP; 2; 1: L-MS

of office, pans with E rushing out; 4: MS on P + JP.

[PETERMAN and PEGGY are sitting in his office. There are two empy chairs. The window overlooks central park.]

ELAINE

[entering, uneasy] Mr. Peterman, Peggy, I.. guess we, should just get this over with. [sits]

PETERMAN

Just Hold On a minute. Still One Short.

ELAINE

Oh.

No, we're not--

PEGGY

Susie has been very rude to me.

PETERMAN

Well, Elaine, has nothing but Good things to say about Susie.

ELAINE

Look.

[engaging smile] We don't have to name names, or, point fingers, or..

[breathes in] name names!

[indicating empty chair] Me and her, have had our problems. She and I have had our problems! You and I, and she and you--

PETERMAN

Don't you drag me into this! This is between you and her, and her. [indicating empty chair]

ELAINE

Yes! And I am convinced that if she were here with us today, she would agree with me, too.

PETERMAN

Who.

ELAINE

[uh-oh] Her?

PETERMAN

Where is she?!

ELAINE

Ah--this is part of the problem!

PEGGY

Iiii thought I was, part of this problem.

ELAINE

[smiling, convincing] You're a, huuge part of the problem. But, I think that at it's core, this is a Susie-and-Elaine problem that

requires, a Susie-and-Elaine solution! And, who better to do that than.. Elaine and Susie! Susie and Elaine!

PETERMAN

Well, now that we have that cleared up.. why don't the three of us have lunch.

ELAINE

[feigning hearing something] What?! Oh! Oh, I'm, coming! I--I gotta go. [rushes out!]

PETERMAN

She is The Best.

What was your name again.

(4+1) a: day, street level shot of J's bldg (grey "737" awning); 3: L-MS on apt. Jerry crosses right with glass, cam zooms in; 2: MS

on J turning to Kramer; 3: L-MS on apt. (K opens door revealing Mike, J is pouring juice); 4: MS on K + M; 2: MS on J; 4; 2; 4; 2;

4; 2; 3: L-MS on apt, J crosses left cam pans/tracks with them to table, cam backs up; 2: MS on K; 1: MS on J, tilts with him

sitting; 3: MS on K going to door, but George is standing there; 1: (MS on J, puzzled); 2: MS on G; then alt #3 and #2 (but with

one look at J [cam 1] during a long silent pause), ending with #2 (MS on G).

[Jerry's. KRAMER and JERRY are talking. JERRY's eating lunch at his table.]

KRAMER

Mike's outside. He wants to talk to you.

JERRY

Well why doesn't he just come in?

KRAMER

Because he's scared, Jerry.

JERRY

Why is he scared.

KRAMER

[sighs, opens door] Come on in.

Did you do this? [MIKE has two hand casts on]

JERRY

Yeah, but--

KRAMER

Uh--ah--ah! You broke his thumbs.

JERRY

It was an accident.

KRAMER

Oh, is that what you call it when, Somebody doesn't Pay Up?

MIKE

[desperate] I'll get you the money, Jerry. I got a hundred dollars in my front pocket if you want to, reach in an' take it!

JERRY

[hands up] I don't want it that way.

KRAMER

Nuh! Okay Jerry, how about if Mike fixes your truuunk, we call it even, an' this way, nobody has to get hurt.

JERRY

[whatever] Fine..

MIKE

Oh--uh--thank you, Jerry, thank you! I won't forget this, I'm gonna fix your trunk good--real good!

[MIKE's very grateful, and leaves with a two thumbs-up gesture. But he also can't help giving a thumbs-up--that's the position the casts hold his thumbs in. It's odd!]

KRAMER

See that was nice, Jerry. [under breath] Oh, by the way, I'm the one who broke your trunk.

JERRY

Ah, it's just a car.

[GEORGE comes up (the door's still open) and when he and KRAMER see each other, there's an awkward, long pause. During the following, JERRY sits at the table silently watching, intrigued.]

GEORGE

Hi.

KRAMER

[looking down, nodding] Hi.

[Another pause. It's like they broke up--well they did, but they didn't.]

GEORGE

It's, funny runnin' into you here.

KRAMER

Yeah, yeah..

It's funny.

You look good..

GEORGE

[embarrassed/self-conscious about his gut] Do I? Thanks.. You too..

KRAMER

Ooo, yeah.. [indicating his face, embarrassed] {Heh, right.}

You know, it's gettin' kind of late, I, I really have to be going, so, uh, it's nice seeing you again, all right--

GEORGE

[sad] Yeah! Yeah. Hey--hey you, you know.. Maybe I'll call you sometime.

KRAMER

George, it's over. It's just.. It's Over. [leaves]

GEORGE

[pause] What do you think, Jerry.

JERRY

[wistful] I don't know, I just see you guys together.

(4+3) 1: L-MS on Mike at trunk; 2: LS on Kramer getting into his car (in front of "Wines and Liquors," and "Stationers" stores); 3:

MS on M getting in trunk; 4: L-MS on K (in profile, starting car); a: MS on bumpers bumping (K's car's back bumper + J's front

bumper); b: MS on J's trunk slamming shut; c: CU on M reacting in dark (some light through slit is on face).

[Outside it's raining. MIKE is working on Jerry's trunk, trying to get at the locking mechanism but it's hard with those casts on.]

MIKE

Thumbs!

[He gets into the trunk for better access. But it turns out KRAMER is getting into his car, parked just ahead of Jerry's, and he bumps Jerry's car while backing up and the trunk slams shut. It locked this time!]

MIKE

[from inside the trunk] Oh!

Help!

Somebody, help! Help!

(4+1) a: night city traffic, from street level; 1: 2S of Elaine and Jerry in car; 2: CU on Mike in dark, except for slit of light; 3: CU on

E; 4: CU on J; 2; 1; 3; 4; 2: CU on M reacting during their conv. (slit of light is passing over and over his face from passing street

lights); 1; 2.

[That night, ELAINE and JERRY are in the car, talking. He's driving.]

JERRY

So Peterman bought it? I can't believe you got away with that!

ELAINE

Well, I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by such stupidity.

JERRY

Yeah, I know how you feel.

(Meanwhile, MIKE's yelping and banging in the trunk!)

ELAINE

Do you hear something?

JERRY

What?

(Meanwhile, MIKE, in a now-hoarse voice is shouting, "Jerry?! Jerry?!")

JERRY

Oh, the trunk's broken, it's rattling.

ELAINE

Jerry, I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. They're starting to give Susie assignments now!

JERRY

Well, there's only one thing to do. Eliminate her.

ELAINE

What?

JERRY

[firmly matter-of-fact] Get Rid of Susie. Make her disappear.

ELAINE

I kinda like her.

JERRY

She's Gooone.

ELAINE

Jerry--

JERRY

[impatient] Gone! [starts maniacally laughing]

[briefly stops to point and explain] That bumper sticker.

[They BOTH scream, laughing! In the trunk, MIKE has heard most of the conversation! The laughing continues!]

MIKE

[desperately anxious] Oh God, I'm in trouble..

(4+1) a: night ext. shot of Jerry's bldg, upper floors (a light goes on during George's first line); 1: MS on G (profile) and K (opens

door); 2: MS on G, over K's sh; 3: MS on K, over G's rt. sh; then alts #2 and #3 (3[6] times); 4: L-MS of hall, G rushes toward and

past cam in glee.

[At night, GEORGE is upset and knocking on Kramer's door.]

GEORGE

Krama. Open up! I--I know you're in there!

KRAMER

[opens door] Uh--George, uh--uh--it's five o'clock in the morning, what's the matter with you..

GEORGE

[sad] It's only four..

KRAMER

Huh?

GEORGE

I--I've been, walkin' around all night.. I've been thinkin' about Allison and me.. an' you--

KRAMER

Oh. Oh, George.

GEORGE

Please. Give me another chance.

KRAMER

[regretfully] Uh.. I know I'm gonna regret this.

[sigh] All right.

GEORGE

[grateful, relieved] Thank you!

I'm gonna make you both so happy!

KRAMER

All right, all right, I'll see ya later. [shuts door]

GEORGE

[delighted!] Woooo!

(4+1) a: day ext. of office bldg, looking up from street level; 1: L-MS on J.Peterman and Elaine; 2: MS on E; 3: MS on JP; 2; 3; 2; 4:

L-MS on both (JP in profile), zooming in for his reaction and her patting his back.

[The next day, ELAINE's passing by the door of PETERMAN's office.]

PETERMAN

Elaine! Where's Susie? I want her to head up our new Fingerless Glove Division.

ELAINE

[quiet] Oh, but I thought I was in line for that assignment.

PETERMAN

Mmmmm--nah.

ELAINE

All right, then, I was gonna wait, to tell ya this, but.. last night, Susie..

[difficult subject, quiet] she took her own Life..

[PETERMAN grasps this, weepy in disappointment, "Oh!". ELAINE comforts him.]

(3+1) a: ext day apt. bldg. (red "305" awning); 1: MS on K knocking on door; 2: MS on K + Allison (A crossing as she opens

door); 3: MS on A, over K's rt. sh; 2: MS on K, over A's sh; 3.

[Allison's apartment. KRAMER knocks and ALLISON gets it.]

KRAMER

[happy, enthused] We're takin' George back--

ALLISON

What?!

KRAMER

He's gonna make us very happy.

[ALLISON looks doubtful/disappointed.]

(1) a: ext, post-rain parking lot, ppl entering community-type bldg.

[The Memorial service. Cars are packed into a small parking lot, end to end.]

(5) 1: LS in packed room, Elaine and Jerry looking for seats, cam trucks; 2: MS on E + J, trucking back + left with them; 3: MS on

Peggy with E in fg; 4: MS on P (in profile), E turns to face her; 3; 5: L-MS on all three; 3; 4: (now J turns to face P); 3; 4; 3; 5; 1:

MS on E.

[Inside, there are chairs lined up in rows, most are filled. There's a podium on a riser, flowers everywhere.]

ELAINE

[quiet] Look at this turnout.

JERRY

[quiet] Where did Susie find the time to meet all these people..

ELAINE

[irritated] Your funeral's not gonna come close to this.

[They've found seats together in the row in front of PEGGY, who looks like she's seeing a ghost!]

PEGGY

[to herself] Oh my god!

[quiet] Susie?

ELAINE

[quiet] Oh, oh--ho--I'm not Susie.. I'm Elaine.

PEGGY

But I've been calling you Susie.

ELAINE

Oh! Hadn't noticed!

Excuse me. [she's going to the podium]

PEGGY

I guess I never met Susie.

JERRY

[privately amused] Suze? I actually had a little thing with her for a while.

[indicating ELAINE] Her too.

[ELAINE's now at the podium.]

ELAINE

What can you say about a girl like Susie? [she doesn't know..]

(3+3) a: ext. small wet parking lot, red convertible is parking; 1: MS on JP pulling up; b: MS on bumpers bumping (hood pops up);

2: MS on JP getting out, tilts and pans with him, but stops to tilt and focus on the hood; 3: MS on M getting out, pans rt. with

him (sign in bg); c: MS on sign; 3: (M reacts).

[Meanwhile, out in the parking lot, PETERMAN arrives in his little red convertible (top down), distracted with

disappointment/sadness. He parks behind Jerry's car and bumps it. Jerry's trunk has unlatched but not popped open big.

PETERMAN doesn't notice anything and goes in. Shortly after he passes, MIKE comes out of the trunk, squinting in the

daylight, his body is sore, he shuts the trunk.

Nearby, there's a small announcement sign (with stick-in white letters):

TODAY'S

SCHEDULE

LIEBERMAN BARMITZVAH

<--

SUSIE'S MEMORIAL

-->

(approximation)

MIKE sees it and is alarmed! He's still disoriented but hobbles away with determination!]

(7+1) a: Tavern on the Green at dusk (roof lines and bare tree are lit up); 1: full shot of G + K; 2: MS on K; 3: MS on G, over K's

sh; 2: MS on K, over G's rt. sh; then alts #3 and #2; 4: 2S as K passes G; 2: now MS on K, over G's sh; 3: MS on G (he's pulling K

back); 2; 3; 4; 5: full shot in ballroom as K spins in, pans with him to Wilhelm and group; 6: MS on W; 7: 2S on K + G, over W's rt.

sh; 6; 7.

[Tavern on the Green, at dusk. The Pinstripe Ball is starting. The walls there are mahogany, and there are short, decorative

columns with flowers on top of them. Everyone is in tuxedos and gowns, and the music is mellow and quiet. GEORGE is

waiting in a tux for Allison, but KRAMER arrives in his rather tight tux. They talk quietly.]

KRAMER

Hey.

GEORGE

Where's uh, where's Allison..

KRAMER

Oh, Allison, she didn't want to come.

GEORGE

But you took me back.

KRAMER

Well, yeah, I did, but she's a tough nut.

How d'ya like the tuxedo. It's a rental but I've had it for fifteen years.

All right, eh. [heading in]

GEORGE

Where are you goin'..

KRAMER

The Ball, silly.

GEORGE

[afraid not] No no, no no no. You're not goin' in there.

KRAMER

George. I thought you were gonna Change.

GEORGE

[impatient] For her. Not for you.

KRAMER

[light admonishing, under breath] Let's just try, an' have a nice time for once, an' we'll talk about this when we get home..

[They start struggling quietly, KRAMER's trying to just walk by, and GEORGE is trying to restrain him without attracting too

much attention.]

GEORGE

All right, look--wait--wait--Krama--wait, wait a minute, you are not. You are not goin' in. Ah-ahhh!

[GEORGE had KRAMER in a slightly spinning hold--by holding the back of KRAMER's tux--but the material tore away, and

this sent KRAMER spinning into the room with the back torn off his tux! Strangely, this is well-received by WILHELM!]

WILHELM

Wow! What an, Entrance!

[friendly, to GEORGE] And eh, who might this be?

KRAMER

Oh, I'm with him.

WILHELM

Oh. Ah-ha..

(7) 1: MS on E at podium; 2: L-MS (E in profile), pans with JP coming up; 3: full shot of E going to seat (toward cam); 4: 2S on E +

J (as she sits); 1: MS on JP at podium; 4; 1; 4; 1; 5: MS on P + J turning to her; 6: MS on J, over E's rt. sh; 7: (brief 2S on E + J); 6;

1; 2: (as M enters); 3; 1: MS on M; 4; 5: (J turned to P again); 7: 3-shot and credits start.

[Meanwhile at the Memorial, ELAINE is still at the podium. She has her chin in her hand while talking, weary of making up

things and of acting mournful.]

ELAINE

And.. also, much like me, Susie hated going to the, Market.

PETERMAN

Elaine! May I say a few words.

ELAINE

Oh, god, yes, Mr. Peterman. [steps down]

PETERMAN

[steps up to the podium, refreshed] Ahhh.

I don't think I'll ever be able to forget Susie--ahhh. And most of all, I will never, forget that one night. Working late on the

catalogue. Juuust the two of us. And we surrendered to temptation.

And it was Pretty Good.

JERRY

[proud to PEGGY, under his breath] Yeah, but he didn't sleep with both of 'em. [winks]

[ELAINE (who has returned to her seat) catches JERRY's eye. Though we don't see her face, his drops and he sobers it up.]

PETERMAN

But Iiii never heard her Cries for Help. [sighs]

An' nowww.. Susie is gone.

MIKE

[running in, still hoarse, desperate!] Hold on! Hol--on!

Susie didn't commit suicide!

[rushes up to podium!] She was Murdered, by Jerry, Sein-feld!

[While MIKE's pointing at JERRY and everyone's looking, JERRY looks back at PEGGY again.]

JERRY

[smugly, under-his-breath] Not only that, I broke his thumbs.

[PEGGY and ELAINE look at him strangely as he grins during such an inappropriate moment.]

[time: 09:27]

[Commercial Break]

(4+2) a: day ext. of office bldg, looking up at it from street level; 1: MS on JP and E seated (JP in profile); 2: MS on JP (dark

window in bg); 3: MS on E; 2: (pan with his leaning forward, becomes over her sh); 3: MS on E, over JP's rt. sh; 4: full shot on JP

+ E, tilts up and pans with him leaving, but stops, tilts down to E; b: directly overhead shot of E, spins CCW and backing up.

[After dark, PETERMAN and ELAINE are sitting and talking in his office.]

PETERMAN

Elaine? Guess what. I've decided to Form a Charitable Foundation, in Susie's honor. And as Susie's best friend, I want you to

be involved.

ELAINE

Mr. Peterman..

[leaning forward, whispering] I'm Susie.. She's me..

PETERMAN

[leans forward, whispers carefully] I feel the same way.

[announcing] And that's why this foundation will meet around Your Schedule. Nights! Weekends! Every, Free Moment you

have. [leaving, pats her shoulders confidently]

ELAINE

[looks up, screaming in frustration!] Suuuuuuuuuuze!

[(During her screaming up to the air, the camera was over her, looking down, and turning around and around, just like it had

when GEORGE found out that he was going to be running a foundation in honor of Susan!)]

[time: 00:42; total taped: 21:22]

[The End]

Return to The Television Transcript Project

Comments to smorine@nyx.net

Last Updated: 20 May 1998

==========================================================